|I’m Luisa, I’m 54 years old and this is part of my story.|
After graduating from school I had the opportunity to travel to Europe to study languages. When I returned to my country, I met a man with whom I got along very well, we became a couple and a few months later he proposed to me. Despite being 20 years old, I was not prepared to assume that commitment and I asked him to postpone it a bit. He got very upset and said: “If you do not want us to marry, I’m leaving so that both of us are free and thus allow other people to come into our lives.” Then, at the mere thought of feeling that he was leaving me, I resolved to accept his proposal.
I make a parenthesis here to tell you that when I was only 4 years old I was sent to a boarding school to learn another language. It was a very strong experience and from that moment that feeling of abandonment accompanied me for many years until I managed to make that event of my life conscious. I was a naive, inexperienced, shy, insecure girl, educated to be a pretty girl, a princess of fairy tales more than to be a warrior woman, a woman capable of facing situations and making decisions. It was a castrating education in many ways and lacking the most important thing: the affection of my parents.
I got married a bit for rebellion, a little to get out of my father’s yoke, and against the will of almost all my family. I had no idea what I was getting into.
From that moment on, my relationship was a real disaster. My husband became a totally different person from the one I knew; manipulator, controller, jealous, did not allow me to study or work. HE DID NOT ALLOW ME TO BE.
After five months of marriage I became pregnant and my husband rejected that pregnancy saying it had not been planned together. This rejection lasted the nine months of pregnancy; nine months of crying, of despair, of absolute sadness; I lost the illusion of being a mother and when my baby was born, it was so bad that I could not feel that love and joy that most mothers feel for their newborn. I started to get depressed, and going from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, taking medication, and little by little I was annulled until I became a person without character or personality. I became a sad being, without illusions or projects, without attachment for life, and many times I asked God to send me an illness. I wanted to die. I was unable to face divorce, I was not prepared to work and face life, and even less with a baby in my arms.
After 25 years of marriage and after attending a seminar on personal growth and prosperity, I realized that my life could not continue like this. I completely dedicated myself to getting stronger in order to make the decision to get divorced. After 26 years of being married to that man, I was finally feeling emotionally and economically more stable so I left the house. Finally, I had achieved something that seemed impossible and was saying to myself: “Enough of suffering Luisa, life cannot be just this!”.
From that moment on I began my recovery, I began to understand that nothing and nobody was more important than me, and little by little and with the support of my family and a group of girlfriends I began to trust myself. Joy and laughter were returning to me, I began to value myself, to feel good with myself, to feel that I was capable of doing what I proposed and to overcome my fears. I realized my qualities and also my defects, and my great affective deficiencies and that life had passed over me without realizing it.
About a year after I got separated, I met a man with great qualities and I fell in love with him. He has been a great support in many ways, we have both grown spiritually, we have a very nice friendship, we trust each other and we share many things. He gave me the tools to fly alone. He HAS ALLOWED ME TO BE.
I wanted to share this story with you so that you do not repeat it. We do not have to wait all these years to realize that people do not change if they are not aware that there is something in their lives that they can modify. We should not be afraid of loneliness; there is nothing worse than an accompanied loneliness. We came to this world to be happy, so be courageous … Life is for the brave; life is of those who dare to say: Enough suffering, let’s start living again!
|Words for Thought|
|There are certain things in life we can’t control, our parents, our childhood, the family and circumstances we are born in. To a certain extent we can’t control the limiting beliefs and self-destructive thought patterns that come with them and in a sneaky manner make their way into our identity as we grow up. Life happens, and we are the products of the way we react to it. Many of us have had hard life situations that we feel have broken us, damaged us, or restrained us from BEING us like Luisa says, but we are only able to break through them when WE BECOME AWARE of them and the beliefs and thought patterns they come with. Many times these lead our lives until one day, like Luisa, we wake up and don’t know how we got there, when we become the women who endure a toxic relationship, a suffocating job, or have self-destructive habits.|
We wake up and realize we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who don’t see our value, and mostly out of fear we’re forcing situations, relationships, and jobs that don’t go with who we really are. Remember Maryam Hasnaa’s words: forcing something, using too much will power or holding on too tightly is an indication that you are out of harmony with the flow. We are all beautifully unique, we are all here to fulfil a purpose and live to our greatest potential. Do you think you can access your power by being stuck somewhere you shouldn’t be? Join Luisa, don’t be afraid of the loneliness, be alone, listen to your intuition, figure out who you are and what’s keeping you for BEING. Yes, life happens and we are products of the way we react to it, but guess what, you CAN CHOOSE how to react. We DO HAVE A CHOICE. We have a choice to love ourselves, to say enough and start being the women we want to be. We have a choice to either be passive or active in the search of the happiness and peace we seek, we have the choice to choose what makes us feel good with ourselves vs what undermines us. We have a choice, and no matter what happens or what situation you are in, remember there is nothing nor no one that can take it away from you.
Namaste beautiful souls,
Gabriela & The Stamina in Action Team