Sometimes we waste all our energy pretending to be someone or something we are not. Sometimes we let that IDEAL we have of ourselves dictate what we do in life and how we live. Eventually when we give so much to something that is not meant to be, we end up burning out and life has its way of telling us that it’s not our path. Jim Carrey used to say: depression is your avatar telling you it’s tired of being the character you’re trying to play. Well no surprise that happened to me. I’ll spare you the details for the future, but long story short, 6 years ago my ideal Gabriela was the smartest medical student in the best university of Colombia, always busy studying and working, eventually being extremely wealthy, living in the rushing cold capital, belonging to the ultimate high class social circle, being super skinny, modeling, and having all the fancy clothes, being an all-star athlete, having the perfect boyfriend and being known as the girl who could do and be it all.
Well, severe crash there, about 2 years into forcing my avatar to play that character I thought I was, life/god/mr.universe whatever you call the higher power decided it was time I realized the hard way that that ideal was not really me. It took me a while to realize many fragments of that Gabriela I envisioned myself to be were actually imposed by society, and that what laid behind was a desire and need to be recognized and valued by those around me and the society in general. That said, every day that passed I was forcing my true self to painfully, no matter the consequences, fit into this mold I had created, until one day I couldn’t do it any longer.
Through a lot of reflection, pain and self-awareness, I discovered that maybe that wasn’t the life my inner self was made for. I discovered that I actually didn’t like the cold and rushed city, rather I thrived with having nature in my surroundings and being able to run, climb, tan, swim, do about anything with the sun in my skin. I discovered I didn’t enjoy much of the small talk in many social gatherings and spending my money on expensive clothes and accessories, rather I enjoyed deep talks and investing my money on traveling and experiences. I discovered that I’m the kind of person that needs routines and self-care habits to maintain my balance, and that overworking stress is not my thrill. Rather, I’m my best self when I make time to get my workout, meditation, reading, sleeping, meal prepping in. I discovered that I didn’t have to be the best all the time, that just by always striving to be a better version of myself was good enough. I discovered I didn’t need to be a size 0 to be beautiful and accepted, I rather feel strong, agile and still enjoy food. Little by little I became an earthquake shaking off anything that was not soul, and I still am, but every day I feel closer to becoming the woman I feel I’m meant to be.
Many of us are unhappy because we are not living the life that goes according to our frequency and our true nature. This is why it is so important to get to know ourselves, our true selves, where and when are we happiest, with whom, where do we feel more at sync with our purpose. Aren’t you tired of fighting? First hand I can say it’s exhausting trying to be someone we are not.
So here’s what you can do take a step back, ask yourself where is your ideal coming from? Is it society imposed or is it in sync with your inner self? Are your true unique strengths being featured in this ideal or are you forcing other skills? The only way we can empower ourselves is if we ARE our true selves!
Gabriela Piedrahita Orozco